Sunday, May 9, 2010

Obey Your Husband

Salam Walaykum sisters! I was inspired to write this post from another blog. My question for you is, "Do you resent having to obey your husband?" Do you feel that it's unfair for your husband to have this right over you in Islam? I'm just curious, because I have a theory. My theory is that both muslims and non-muslims misinterpret this. It's easy for a non-muslim to look at this in Islam and see it as some sort of oppression. "Oh my gosh look at how weak she is, she has to do everything he says like a servant!" When someone is told that women have to obey their husband, the first thought that comes to mind is "Why?" Let's think about this. Set religion aside for a moment. If your friend asks you for a favor, you'd do it for them right? If you had company over, you'd host them well, and speak politely and respectfully and get them what they needed. So why do our husbands, who are obligated to support us from their means, deserve less than what you'd give to company? Just think of your average secular couple. If the woman has really married the man of her dreams, and they're truly in love, then naturally she will want to take care of him out of her love for him. If he asks her for something she'll usually do it no question because she values their relationship and wants it to continue happily, she values his happiness. She doesn't mind fullfilling his request. So why would it be different in Islam? If a woman is in a good marriage and she loves her husband, she won't have a problem treating him well and listening to him either. It's natural for women to be devoted to our men, and take care of them by doing what we're asked. We can do it easily out of love, so it's of utmost importance that we love who we're married to! Allah decreed that a woman has a right to choose her husband, she cannot be forced to marry, and He decreed that if she is unhappy in a marriage with him, she can get a divorce too. There's no force here, so ideally, if she loves him and is happy with her choice than there should be no problem in her listening and obeying him. Instead of thinking that Allah oppressed women by forcing them to obey the man, why not look at it like this: Allah gave us the opportunity for many many good deeds if we do what we would do naturally out of love-obey your husband! Allah has increased the value of the natural desire by rewarding us for doing it. Subhan Allahhi Rabb il Alameen!!!


  1. A'salaamu alaikum sister. Thank you for a beautiful post on marriage. Unfortunately, not just kaffir misunderstand this; many Muslims do as well. Insha'Allah this will be a help to many!

    Ma salaama...

  2. Asalaamu aleikum, sister. I also wrote a blog post recently regarding this, and made a whole powerpoint presentation for a halaqa that I am part of in my masjid. And, everyone in the halaqa, except one girl who will convert soon, inshaAllah, were Muslim. But, as most of them are teenagers/young adults and most are unmarried as of yet, most of them had the same thinking, astagfirullah, as non-Muslims do. I keep trying to help them understand that I lived life for 22 years without Allah's guidance and treated the men I loved without their due level of respect, because I did not think a man deserved it. Now, as a Muslim I see the wisdom in all this. May Allah make it easy for all of us, Ameen, to love our husbands the way they deserve.